He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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