the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
