what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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