The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize