Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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