No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
