I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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