I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
