"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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