genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
