Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
