Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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