is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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