I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
