I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
