she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
