im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
