If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
