My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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