Ambien. No doubt about it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
