My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
