well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
