I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
