So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
