it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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