Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She said her name was "party"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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