Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
