i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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