Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
