I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
