I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize