he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
