this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
