How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
