so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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