You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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