have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
