i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
