So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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