woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize