Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize