jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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