No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
