They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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