You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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