I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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