Just fell off a train. Bad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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