I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
