my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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