Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
