i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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