Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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