I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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