Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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