dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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