what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to align my fucking chakras
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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