I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize