we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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