Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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